For as long as I can remember I have struggled with not feeling good about myself. Is this a result of my less than healthy upbringing. Just a normal human affliction. Inflaming this is my social awkwardness and the fact I am very much introverted. There are those that I have encountered in life that have had no problem pointing out my flaws. Leaving me feeling like my worst fears are true and that there is something wrong with me. There are people who treat others as projects for them to work on only to discard them when they decide they are done. I love social networking because it allowed me to shed my social awkwardness and just be me but than I discover that others are not happy with who I am. Than there was also the stalker aspect coming in the form a facebook friend of a friend, I 'think' I have finally shed the stalker but can never be to careful.
What i've discovered is friends have no problem passive aggressively taking about their annoying facebook friends. So again I find out somehow I am viewed as flawed. There is a great amount of teasing over how much I facebook as if I am not aware of it. But I find if I don't stay up to date and miss a connections updates than I feel guilty for missing them. So the site I so feverishly avoided and than became enveloped in has become somewhat of a nemesis. I found myself loathing it. So I made the decision to walk away from it temporarily. A decision that is scary as hell because effectively I am taking away any outside interaction with friends and acquaintances. But I feel like it was false connection. Supposed facebook friends who while keeping me around had no desire to really have any interaction with me and actually going out of their way to exclude me socially. When I announced my hiatus no one actually desired to stay connected unless I was staying on facebook. I think I desire real human interaction and need to find out on my own how to achieve that without getting sucked into someones project or exclusive group.
I spent my first facebook free day ill with food poisoning, day two I am recovering from that after affects of that. I realize how reliant I am on the site and second nature when I log onto the computer I automatically go to the site. Can we say addiction anyone? My facebook free goal is 30 days. In that time I hope to figure out how I can stay connected without having it consume my spare time.
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2 comments:
I 'liked' your status saying you were taking time off 'cause I know it's not an easy thing to do, but I understand why someone would - I'd been wanting to again lately myself. I didn't ask or your contact info 'cause I already know how to contact you... I'm sure there are others too. Take care and I hope the time off works out. :)
im addicted!
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