The Power Of Stones

Lately I have been feeling stressed about my divorce and my ex's actions, and how those actions may effect my efforts to retun to school. Tonight I walked by a store I have walked by a thousand times before. But for some reason tonight I noticed a gumball type machine, only instead of gumballs it was filled with stones. Something in my head said you need to buy one. So I fished out a dollar and turned the knob to get my stone. When I opened the door to the slot there sat a green aventurine, amazonite, and rock crystal. What interested me is how fitting the meaning of the stones and how they related to me.

Green aventurine is considered a healing stone to soothe a troubled heart or calm distraught emotions.

Green aventurine quartz is said to relieve anxiety and calm ones emotions, to bring opportunity, to give good luck in gambling, and to enhance ones creativity and leadership qualities.

Green aventurine quartz is also said to have been used successfully in psychotherapy, treating disorders of the lungs and heart, and to help increase muscle flexibility.




Amazonite is believed to be useful for finding personal truth, luck, prosperity, creativity, growth, soothing energy, and receiving energy for better stamina.

Its soothing energy aids in confidence and in opening the Throat Chakra. Moreover, this calming stone is believed to balance masculine and feminine energies.

Amazonite is known as the "Hope Stone", believed to offer luck for your hopes and dreams.

Rock crystal is said to stimulate mental clarity, emotional stability and to facilitate and focus meditative states. It is also said to stimulate positive thoughts and feelings, and to amplify psychic abilities. Rock crystal is said to help remove toxins from the body and to help treat disorders of the digestive system, kidneys and bladder. It also is said to be helpfull in treating a number of other ailments including pituitary gland disorders and skin, circulatory system and respiratory system disorders. Rock crystal is also said to help considerably in providing relief from pain, and to help in recovering from radiation exposure, and to strengthen the immune system.

I feel strength in these stones.

Just Keep Swimming

OK I feel OK about posting a bit about what has went on in my life. Recently after some online harassment/stalking from my exes girlfriend I was forced to go to the police, so they could ask her to stop. As far as I know they did and it has stopped. However this has left me fearful of what length's this woman will go to. When I go to school or work will it extend there? Since I have no idea of how far both of their stalking extends I no longer feel safe posting the most intimate details of my life at the very least until my divorce is processed, but I hate to be completely silent.

Life otherwise has been wonderful for me. I have chosen a career path and will go back to school after my youngest is a year old. My goal is to have a career that will allow me to comfortably support myself and my boys without "needing" support from their Father. I feel like I really have made a good impression thus far even going far as when I called to book a test the instructor remembered me and had been hoping I would be calling. That felt pretty good. The information session I attended was not a small group and they do several a month.

I have also been seeing someone. Without embarrassing him to much by disclosing to much I can say our blooming relationship has been fantastic and wonderful. He is kind, funny, good with my boys, smart, and so respectful of me... I can honestly say I am in love with this person. To be in love scares me a bit because I worry that my judgement's are skewed by my past relationship but I am trying really hard not to let those feelings overshadow my new relationship. I really feel like right now I am at the place in my life where I am supposed to be with the the person I am supposed to be with. With him I feel content and at peace, I don't have to be anyone but myself. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be...

I am really looking forward to the day I can say my divorce is final and perhaps I can start sharing a bit more about my life on the blog. I hope all my blog friends are doing well. I promise even if I am scarce here now I do still religiously read your blogs. Until next time....

Cariwest 2009

Today the boys, my Dad, and I took in the Cariwest Parade. Brandon was a bit owly but seemed to have a good time. Here are some ok ALOT if photo's from the day. Click on the slideshow to enlarge the photo's and see captions.

I Thought I Was Being Over-Cautious....

While I still will post photo's and other generic things. For the time being I will cease sharing about my personal life. I sometimes thought I was being over-paranoid in regards to my abuser and my online safety. Something happened to tell me that my suspicions were justified. If you know me from a parenting forum and are wondering why I am not posting this is why. I do still accept emails and messages etc. I hope you all stick around until my divorce is final and I can perhaps return to some normalcy.

An Entertaining Entrance

I came upon this video because of a facebook friend. The most awesome wedding entrance I have ever seen. Fun and original. I would have loveed to been at a wedding like this, I bet the entire day was fun. This is SO something I would do.

Capital Ex Parade 2009

Today I took the kidlets to enjoy their first ever parade. I also brought the camera, be warned I took ALOT of photo's. Click the slideshow to make it bigger and see captions.

Ford Classic Car Show

Today my Father, the kidlets, and I hit up Healy Ford where a classic car show was happening. My oldest loves car so this was the perfect activity for him. I figured this was the perfect opportunity to practice using my DSLR camera. Click the slideshow to make it larger and see the captions.

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Get your own

Anonymous No More

For the time being I am removing anonymous comments here and enabling comment moderation. However I value all my friends comments and you can always send me a comment about a post on facebook if you can't do so here. Sorry for the inconvienience.

T-Swizzle

Check it out as Taylor Swift breaks it out thug style LOL. If you don't know her music normally she is a new country singer eg the popier side of country.

Sweet Silly B

Brandon and I doing love you forever.

North Country 2009 - Pride

When I was 13 I had my first taste of North Country Fair aka Hippie Daze. I was hooked from the get go. As a fair goer I have always been a volunteer and I could not imagine doing it any other way. It is way to good of a deal getting free camping and a free weekend pass as well. When I met my soon to be ex-husband I stopped going to the fair. It's not that I didn't want to go but the friend I used to go with stopped going and Chuck could just never get time off work. Being insecure in myself I thought I could never go by myself and have a good time so I stopped going all together.

With my relationship with Chuck now defunct and me doing a complete overhaul and rediscovery of self I decided after nine years of absence I needed to go to the fair again. I didn't care if I was alone, I was going to go and was determined I would have a good time. Luckily as things turned out while I would be alone I would still know people at the fair, such as fellow bloggers Hope and James. With Hopes help I was able to complete my volunteer hours here in Edmonton putting up posters for the fair.

On June 18Th Dawson and I hopped the charter bus to North Country Fair. The thing about NCF is you never really feel like a stranger, people just seem to have a different vibe. I immediately met friendly and helpful people. The first a family who even offered for Dawson and I to sleep in their tent so that I would not have to set up my tent till morning. But I am lazy and did not want to set up my stuff in someone Else's tent and than have to move it again the next day, so I declined and set up my own tent. In a way I felt bad these people actually invited me to come spend time with them but even though I am sure I was close enough to them in age I didn't feel like I would fit in, so I never took them up on their offer to join them at their fire.

While setting up my tent I was immediately entertained by the tenters around me. They were playing catch and their witty banter was cracking me up, although I tried not to laugh to loud for fear of seeming like I was eavesdropping. So I set up my tent and Dawson and I went to bed for the evening. The next morning I made the decision that I better introduce myself to the aforementioned tenters since I did not have a fire pit I knew I would need to share theirs and I was determined to meet new people. I love Hope but I did not want to feel like I had to be around her and her family 24/7, that would not be fair to them. So I introduced myself to the first tenter I saw who happened to be Kory, who even offered me coffee. SCORE! I later met Rob, Charley, Cam, and Jolene. What a great group of people they all were and I feel comfortable in saying when the weekend was over I had some new friends. I also had such a good time at the fair, I know I will definitely be back next year.

To go out on a limb and befriend strangers is a huge step for me. I am a shy person by nature and also struggle with social anxiety. So I am rather proud of myself for making this small break through. It's just one more block towards building myself back up to and exceeding who I used to be. I am loving every step of this journey.

Lego Arcade

Wow this brings back memories, definitly a must watch!

North Country Fair 2009

Photo's from before and during North Country Fair as I learn to use my new camera.

Garden fun - June

I am learning to use my new camera and took some photo's of my eldest and my garden for practice. Click album to view pictures in larger format.

Dirty Thirty

Never to old for the kiddie rides. This plane said "ride me" as I walked by. I was disappointed I did not have flying goggles like Snoopy did when he was the Red Baron.



June 15th I made the 30 year milestone. It seems so odd to me most days I really do not feel I am this old, heck I still feel 19 or 20. My actual birthday was an uneventful but good day, noticeably good because this year unlike last year I did not spend my birthday in jail.

Tuesday is my night I am totally free all night long. Now wrrying about having to be home by a certain time for my youngest to come home. I am not normally one to host get togethers but gosh darnit 30 years on the planet it worth celebrating. So I invited some friends out to celebrate with me.

We hit up Moxies where I was pleasantly surprised to find Margarita's were on special, so I had a yummy kiwi Margarita with dinner. It was really good and had real kiwi in it, I highly reccomend it! I also tried the Citrus Fusion Chicken Salad from their summer menu. This was kind of a disappointment for me and I wouldn't have it again. One of my friends and I had a good giggle because another summer menu item was fish Taco's, perhaps my humor is a bit juvenile but I found that funny. I was also surprised with some wonderful gifts, only a surprise because I had let everyone know gifts were not necessary. I got an awesome sexy and single Martini glass, a nice photo album, and a nice picture frame. I love useful gifts so these were really perfect for me. Most of my friends only stayed for dinner but I was happy just to see them so I really did not mind, we really don't see each other enough.

After we were supposed to hit up the comic strip only to find the show had been canceled for the night because no comics showed up. So we wandered around West Edmonton Mall for a while settling in on Baskin Robbins for some icecream. Than we moved on to St. Petes for a little entertainment (totally my choice). Some women get really turned off by exotic dancers but it has never really bothered me, and I give mad props to those girls pole dancing requires some good muscle. I even had a bit of a self esteem booster when I noticed the first dancer had clearly had a child because she had the telltale c-section scar and baby belly. This made me feel better about myself because I have baby belly to and it has been a self conscious thing for me but hey if she can have it out there and be admired than I suppose I can be more forgiving towards myself.

All in all it was a fantastic time and an awesome way to rind in my 30th year.

Would You Walk By?

"Be the change you want to see in the world.”
~Mahatma Gandhi

“

Last night while the kidlets were with their Dad I made a quick shopping trip to get some stuff to plant some herbs I had bought at the farmers market on the weekend. It was right around dinner and I was hungry and thought I would kill two birds with one stone and get the kids some banana's as well. So I headed to the nearby Sobey's. As I walked across the parking lot towards the store my attention was immediately grabbed by a young native man very badly verbally abusing his partner even daring her to go to the nearby police station and cry to them. She was very quiet obviously fighting tears and had such a sad look in her eyes. As I walked by I thought well what do I do? Do I ignore it? It became very apparent as I tried to shop that I was not going to accomplish anything knowing I had witnessed that and done nothing.

So I went back outside where the man was still abusing his partner. I walked up to her and ask if she was OK, she looked at me with those sad eyes and said nothing. He looked at me and said what and I repeated to her "are are you OK?" Still no answer. He than starts swearing and yelling at me to mind my own business. I told her "it was not OK for him to talk to her like that and that she did not have to take it". He than tells me I don't know him and I don't know how badly she treats him, and that she's lucky he puts up with it. I replied "I don't have to know all I have to do is see how you are behaving right now, it is not OK for you to speak to her like that or to speak to anyone like that for that matter". More cussing and swearing telling me to mind my own business and walk away. I tell him "no not until I make sure she is OK". More dialogue and now he is trying to intimidate me by coming towards me. At that point I look at him and say "do you think your going to intimidate me the way you are intimidating her, I am not frightened by you", he continues coming at me and cussing me out.

At that point a native couple and child come out of the store. The woman asks me "what's going on?". I tell her about what I witnessed. She says "we'll take it from here", and approaches them. Clearly they know each other. She than says to him "Jeez leave her alone she's in labour". At that point I am just angry for this girl who as much as she is choosing to remain in that situation is going to look back on the day her child was born and remember her partner abusing her. Angry that another child will likely grow up thinking abuse is OK. I am also angry at the numerous people that came in and out of the store before I talked and during the altercation, and did nothing. This is why family violence continues because no one wants to involve themselves. What happened to being the change we want to see in the world? Perhaps it is easier to live life as a victim rather than a victor. Complain about the world these days and how people just don't care. That is no way to live life.

I am not sure what impact my actions last night may have made. All I can do is hope eventually that woman might remember the words of a stranger and that someone cared enough to ask if she was OK. Perhaps she will ask herself if she is OK and take her power back. I realize I put myself in a potentially dangerous situation and I fully believe this man would have hit or shoved me had the other couple not came out, but if I was confronted with the same situation again I know I would do the exact same thing. Ballsy or stupid who knows... but I could not have lived with myself if I did nothing and something happened to that woman.

Relay For Life 2009

This year I was honored to join Team Clickin' Cancer's Butt to photograph the Relay For Life, a fundraiser for the Canadian Cancer Society. It was a day of friendship, family, laughter, love, and tears. But most of all it was a day of hope. Cancer effects each and every one of us... perhaps a friend, a relative, a co-worker, a friend of a friend,or perhaps we ourselves may have to face the challenge of battling Cancer. Here are a few photo's I took with my point and shoot during set-up of the relay before I switched over to a dslr camera for the day.

Playing

A few of the better shots from playing with my new toy.

I Need Room To Ride Wild Horses

I am absolutely enamored with these lovely young songstresses. Speaking as a blond I am happy to see true blondes that have not bleached their eyebrows to match. Some of us blondes are just born with darker eyebrows. These lyrics spoke to me... they really reminded me of how I tried to change to try to be the person my husband wanted me to be, eventually just losing myself all together. I will never ever let my spirit be overshadowed and broken like that again. Now I live my life for me, the minute I don't feel respected is the minute I run.



I Can Love Anyone

Maybe it was me,
But it just didn't feel like anyway to breathe
Being with him, underneath his thumb left a heavy print on me
All the things, that I tried to change to be the girl he needs
The quiet one, the chameleon
the saint, the anger, the house of fun

I need room to ride wild horses,
I wanna be free to fall from my own choices and
I can pretend, hide under my couch,
or cry 'till I turn blue,
I can love anyone, anyone I want to
I can love anyone, anyone I want to

Everywhere I go now,
It's just my shadow, following to close
I can hold on, I could walk or run, or I can just let go
If I drive, all night long,
no one needs to know
It's my debts, they're all my regrets
and the best part hasn't happened yet

I need room to ride wild horses,
I wanna be free to fall from my own choices and
I can pretend, hide under my couch,
or cry 'till I turn blue,
I can love anyone, anyone I want to,
I can love anyone, anyone I want to,

All the things, that I tried to change,
to be the girl he needs
the quiet one, the chameleon,
the saint, the anger, the house of fun

I need room to ride wild horses,
I wanna be free to fall from my own choices,
I can love anyone, anyone I want to,
I can love anyone, anyone I want to.

Strawberry Chip Muffins

Some muffins I made:



Strawberry chip muffins

1/4 cup canola oil
1/2 cup milk ( add a bit more for a moister mix)
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 cup white sugar
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1 3/4 cups all purpose flour
1 cup chopped strawberrys (I like fresh but frozen is ok to)
1/4 cup white chocolate chips ( semisweet would be yummy to)

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C) oil an 8 cup muffin tin, or use paper liners.
In a small bowl, combine oil, milk, and egg. Beat lightly. In a large bowl, mix flour, salt, baking powder, cinnamon, and sugar. Toss in chopped strawberries and stir to coat with flour. Pour in milk mixture and stir together. Add chocolate chips
Fill muffin cups. Bake at 375 degrees F (190 degrees C) for 25 minutes, or until the tops bounce back from the touch. Cool 10 minutes and remove from pans.

I have also tried this recipe by subbing half of the strawberries for banana's cut in to chunks, which turned out nice. Overall I think the batter would likely work for any fruit muffin. I like it because it's not to sweet.

Volunteering Is Fun

After a few days of downright dismal weather the kids and I were chomping at the bit to get outside. Yesterday offered the perfect opportunity, the sun was shining and even with the wind being outside was manageable. We ventured down to Whyte avenue to hang more posters for North Country Fair replenishing where posters had been covered and trying to find new places indoors to hang them as well. Brandon especially enjoyed it and became quite the little dictator demanding to go in every building we passed to hang a poster, and was quite disappointed when we couldn't LOL. I was starting to take it a little personal that the majority of my posters that had been covered were all obviously by the same person, some wrestling thing. Oh well covered up their poster with one of mine, tit for tat. :)

I have to say I was really impressed with his endurance. I can remember with my ex's daughter we couldn't even walk more than a few blocks without her becoming tired or complaining. Brandon is a completely different kid. We walked all the way up Whyte Avenue from Southpark GM down to Pad Thai, and than back down to the university where we caught the LRT to come home. Brandon did not complain once. Mind you I think the fact I had him wear his rainboots and allowed him to jump in every puddle we saw on the sidewalk probably helped in distracting him.

Right now I am hoping the weather continues to improve. Tommorrow is the Relay For Life, a fundraiser event for the Canadian Cancer Society. I encourage everyone to visit the site and learn about the relay and if you can make a pledge. If your in edmonton stop by the relay and cheer everyone on, I hear their still looking for volunteers for the event to... To experience the event is powerful and overwhelming but so worth it I really encourage anyone who can to visit, cheer, and give your support. Cancer has touched me close to home a few times through friends, family, and most closely through my father who is a survivor of liver cancer. Last year I walked in the relay with a group of wonderful women and we were able to raise over $5000 for the cause. This year I am honored to be a part of Team Clickin' Cancer's Butt, along with my friend Hope who has blogged about it and a group of talented women we will be photographing the relay. I am touched to be allowed to take part in this. While most of the team are very skilled photographers equipped with SLR camera's, I am still learning and will do my best with my point and shoot camera. I am very much looking forward to spending as much time as I can doing this tommorrow and if anything am disappointed I cannot stay the entire night to do it... however having my 7 month old with me, an overnight is just not in the cards.

Have a great weekend everyone and if any edmontonians make it to the relay tommorrow and you see me be sure to say hi!

Reflecting On Yesterday

I was quite bothered yesterday by some back and forth that happened between Mr (Not so) Wonderful and I. Playing the role of lover scorned he was attacking my character and insulting me. His main focus seemed to be on my appearance which seemed pretty silly given this is the body I was born with... He said that I should develop myself past my appearance (ok not in those exact words but I am nicing it up for the blog). At first I was really upset by this. Didn't he know I do have interests? Didn't he know what I am doing to work on myself? I was sure I talked about these sorts of things with him.

But than the thought dawned on me that he wasn't showing me what I hadn't already felt which was that he did not value me for anything but my appearance. To him I was just a nice package... He didn't care about the things I did or my hopes, or any of it.

A blog I wrote last night out of anger also taught me a lesson about myself. Note that blog has been deleted as I felt it made me no better than him and it didn't make me feel good knowing I was sharing it. Through an exercise from "Living Through The Meantime" By Iyanla Vanzant I learned a bit about how I engage when I am angry, and what I need to do to change that. I know that I can engage in emotionally abusive behaviors and that is not ok.

Intuition - Natalie Imbruglia

Fitting lyrics. I am learning to trust my intuition and know those feelings will never ever steer me wrong.

Yummy Mommy Sunday

A few friends have made the comment that they were shocked I decided to end my relationship with Mr. Wonderful. Saying you seemed so happy what happened? I think it is important to say Mr. Wonderful while in a way contributed to happiness to a point was not the cause of my happiness. I ALONE am in charge of whether or not I am happy. A million things might make me happier but for the most part it is my perception of things that will control that level of happiness. My answer to those friends has been I am still a happy person. I spent years in such a bad situation that perhaps that is why I am so easily able to accept whatever good things life does have to offer. I certainly have my stresses but they won't overshadow my happiness.

Yesterday I headed over to Whyte avenue with a friend. We chatted and walked down the avenue and I hung the odd poster here and there for North Country Fair . As a side note I am amazed how quickly the posters I had hung previously were covered up. I had just hung posters on Tuesday and by yesterday most posters were already covered and some with a few other posters. I try to cover old posters but unfortunately I guess others are not so polite.

We also stopped in at Julio's Barrio where we indulged in drinks, appetizers, and gossip. Her entering a relationship and me leaving one we both had some great and giggle worthy submissions. We ended up sitting at the bar because all the tables near the front were full and the back of the restaurant was unbearably hot. We both had a giggle at what appeared to be a hungover wannabe Don Juan. Doing his best to get our attention. Alternating between trying to look deep in thought and giving us sultry stares.

Perhaps my favorite yummy Mommy moment of the day was when I went to the bathroom. I was wearing a tank top, a short skirt, and leggings. I was so warm I decided to take off my leggings. So I returned to my seat just a bit less clothed. I caught a few very obvious stares OK more than a few stares from a guy sitting at a near by table. Yes I think Tanya has definitely gotten her groove back...

On The Same Train Of Thought

I love music and this song suits me and Mr. Wonderful perfectly. My intuition was telling me as great as he was things were not meant to be so I ended it yesterday, turns out he was on the same train of thought. Let'er rip!

I'd Rather Risk

I am absolutely in love with this song, the lyrics are so powerful and perfect.



Words & Music by Paul Brandt

I’d rather stand on the edge of a cliff
And hang my toes over a bit,
And then jump when they dare me,
Even if it scares me and I get hurt.
I’d rather build my wings on the way down,
Do my best not to fall to the ground
and than laugh at my mistakes
‘cause there only lessons I’ll learn

Chorus:
I’d rather burn with desire deep in my soul,
And love like a fire that’s out of control, and laugh and dance and fall
and chance and kiss
I’d rather live my whole life
with a sense of abandon,
Squeeze every drop out,
no matter what happens.
And not wonder what I've missed
I’d rather risk.

Well I guess I could just play it safe
and forget about love, hope and faith,
with my eye on the shore line,
keeping my boat tied and staying home,

ohhh but I’ll never discover new land
by keeping my feet on the sand
No I’d rather set sail
and get carried away by the storm.

Chorus:
I’d rather burn with desire deep in my soul,
And love like a fire that’s out of control, and laugh and dance and fall
and chance and kiss
I’d rather live my whole life
with a sense of abandon,
Squeeze every drop out,
no matter what happens.
And not wonder what I've missed
I’d rather risk.
I would rather risk

I’d rather burn with desire deep in my soul,
And love like a fire that’s out of control,
I’d live my whole life
with a sense of abandon,
Squeeze every drop out
no matter what happens.
And not wonder what I've missed
Oh I just can’t resist,
The chance to risk

Ohhh live, and love and laugh and dance and fall and chance and kiss

I’d rather risk

Snow

On Monday night even though the night was quite sleepless because I do my best thinking at night when I did sleep I dreamt. I dreamed it was snowing, I watched big fluffy snowflakes gently falling to the ground. I am a big believer in dreams having special meaning so when I woke up I looked up what the dream meant. This is what I found:

To see snow in your dream, signifies your inhibitions, repressed/unexpressed emotions and feelings of frigidity. You need to release and express these emotions and inhibitions. You may also be feeling indifferent, alone and neglected.

To dream that you are watching the snow fall, represents a clean start and a fresh, new perspective. It is indicative of spiritual peace and tranquility.

This was interesting to me. I think I had become a bit cocky deciding I was completely recovered from what I experienced in my marriage, so much so that I had decided I was no longer going to need the group therapy I had been recieving and would soon stop attending. For me the dream signifies the emotional awakening that I still have alot of work on my self to do, and that perhaps it is going to be life long work. I need to remember that not every male is going to treat me the way my husband treated me and that it is OK to be myself, to speak my mind, to be candid and honest. So I will do the only thing I can do continue to move forward and do what I can to heal myself.

The Scars Remain

I hate that yesterday reminded me of how emotionally scarred I still am by my husbands abuse. I thought I had put it behind me but his hateful hurtful words still echo in my head. So afraid of conflict I stopped speaking candidly and freely, always trying to be a people pleaser. I was so unbelievably angry at myself for this yesterday, I don't want to be a victim I want to be a survivor. Even with a rational voice in my head his words echo... I hate that I can't even seem to trust my own judgement anymore and in the same breath am so glad to have friends that I can bounce my thoughts off of. Why can't I just take things at face value? ~sigh~ I honestly am just afraid of being hurt, and maybe subconsciously am try to sabotage myself so that I don't have to risk that. If I could explain myself in one word today it is frustrated.

Grumblings

I hate the fact that I got home today and the ex was already waiting there with my youngest. I hate the fact the ex could read right away by the look on my face that I was unhappy, I never want him to see me anything but confident and happy. I hate that I have no one to blame but myself for being late. I need to learn to communicate better, be a little less passive. ~sigh~ So freaking grumpy. Most of all I hate that I can't just be happy.

Remembering Mom

One year ago marked the last Mother's Day I ever spent with my Mom. She was in the hospital that day. I brought a plant arrangement and hopes of cheering her up. She didn't want me there and didn't want the plant... I wonder now if she knew than she was going to be leaving soon, and did not want to remembered in a hospital bed.

While I miss her everyday. I know she is in a better place without illness, pain, or physical limitations. A place where she has been reunited with loved ones. She is with me in my heart everyday and will live on in memories. Happy Mothers day Mom.

Mom and I in 1989 I think. Dressed for a Girl Guides event.


One of the songs I chose for Mom's funeral.


Happy Mothers Day to all the other Mothers that read my blog!

Ugly

Kicking it old school. I am in a funk and it seems fitting. Enjoy!

Spring Has Sprung

I am just loving the warm weather we have been having the past few days. However with the wind it would be really nice if the city would get the street sweepers out, the sand blowing in my eyes put a definite damper on the sunshine. I can tell spring is here and summer is well on it's way just by the way the fine men of this city are acting and I say fine with dripping sarcasm. I have been noticeably getting gawked at lately. Today I got a few cat calls as I walked South Edmonton Common shopping. My favorite which definitely on my cab ride home. I look over and there is this guy hanging out the passenger side of a truck staring at me, when he sees I have seen him staring he starts trying really hard to get my attention waving and yelling. OK weird because I do not know this person. Than the truck proceeds to match the speed of the cab so he can continue to try to get my attention. I look again and the guy is making a phone gesture and yelling out call me. Umm OK?!?! The cabbie asked if I knew him and I said no and we had a good chuckle. The song "No Scrubs" by TLC came to mind.

Snippets Of Our Saturday

A few of the pictures from today's travels with the kiddies.

This is why I am not a fan of smokers, cigarette butts are not what I like to see at the playground.


This handsome fellow came to the park with his owners, 2 young boys. He climbed one tree while the oldest boy climbed another.


I wish I could get so excited about finding a stick.


Indeed.




Can you believe I got these jeans for free!


We could see the moon in the sky this afternoon.


Sporting my prized possession the babyhawk.


All in all it was a very good little adventure for us. We got a nice surprise when we went to get a Slurpee at the tail end of our walk. The clerk gave me a large Slurpee for the price of a small and even gave B some candy. SCORE! Not sure why he did that but I was not going to complain LOL. We also came across a really nice headboard and foot board in someones trash. It would be perfect for B. I am still trying to figure out how I can go back and get it because carrying it home is just not feasible. Oh the frustrations of not driving....

Rhymes With Schmuck

The song "She's Got The Look" by Guttermouth popped into my head a few days ago and since than has not left. Heres a censored fanmade entertaining video for it.

Bikini Trimmer Massacre

WARNING: This post will be talking about bikini grooming, if this makes you uncomfortable this is your chance to stop reading.





With the prospect of possibly having to don a swimsuit in public I decided it best to make sure and do some grooming in the bikini area, to ensure I wasn't going to be flashing any hair. I thought what better opportunity to test out my bikini trimmer I had bought a little while back but hadn't yet used.

In theory the bikini trimmer really did seem like a good idea. Having 2 young kids now I don't have the free time I once did pre-kids to sit and give my bikini area the attention to detail I once had. That and I had heard a trimmer was much safer than trying to do things manually because you would have less of a chance of cutting yourself. I had heard waxing was good to but without the money or balls to do that, I decided a trimmer was a worthy purchase.

So Friday afternoon I tested out my pretty pink trimmer. First trying out the epilator which stung a little but worked well, but I could tell it was just going to be way to time consumed. Moved on to the trimmer... ok that seems to work well... Than tried the microshaver, that did not work as well as I had hoped. I am thinking nothing beats a razor or wax. Than I get ambitious and decide I am gonna give my self some full blown grooming.

For the most part it went well until I accidentally after pressing to hard with the trimmer managed to give myself quite a nasty looking scrape. Yup my kitty looks like it has been scratched by a cat. Suddenly waxing is not seeming so scary or dangerous anymore. Lesson for me here is sometimes taking the extra time to do things manually is the better choice. I don't necessarily think the trimmer was a bad purchase but I think next time I try it I may do so when I am not trying to rush... Scratched kitty not so good.

Ass Is Phat Frame Is Little

With the possibility of going swimming with friends this weekend. I had to go through my stash and figure out which of my swimsuits fit. Given that I was already wearing it I thought what better time to show off how much weight I really have lost. I am not anywhere near as toned, and my skin is saggy, and stretch marky BUT this is the same bikini I bought for when I danced at the bar.

Showing off the lady curves


I like this shot because it looks like I have abs which I don't LOL


Brandon wanted to help. It's blurry but hey gives a good side profile


Just for fun a funny fan made video of Fat Joe's & Ashanti's song "What's Love" , the title of this blog is a line from that song.

Playlist Updated

I've added a few more songs to my blog playlist. Some new some not so new but I like them. Not sure anyone even listens but figured I would put it out there.

WETD: Spelling Bee

Last week I found a gem of a show on Much Music WETD: Were Experiencing Technical Difficulties. Lot's of humorous little skits and creative editing to make things funny. Some might find it offensive but it was cracking me up, here's one of the funnier clips I saw.

Love You Forever

Lately Brandon's favorite bedtime has been Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. I guess it's really made an impact on him. This afternoon he came up to me hugged me and quietly said:

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My Mommy you'll be

My heart melted. What a sweet darling little boy I have. Just had to share this sweet Mommy moment.

Decapitation

I came across this beauty while walking home with the boys after an outing. Where her body disappeared to is a mystery. Somewhere a little girl is missing her friend.

DLS: Stars For A Day

Yesterday the boys and I were lucky enough to be chosen to be the subjects for a photography workshop. Be sure to hop on over to my friend Hope's blog http://hopewallsphotography.blogspot.com/2009/04/learninglove-dls-workshop-today.html to view a sampling of the photo's. If your on my facebook be sure to keep checking back as several of the ladies will be sharing and tagging the photo's of me and the kid's there. It was a great afternoon and I felt incredibly lucky to be in the presence of so many wonderful women.

Taking The Dive

Well I am sure it is no secret to anyone that I took the big leap of diving back into the world of dating. I won't deny this was a leap I was absolutely terrified of taking. I literally felt like I had as a teenager going on my very first date. I had made the decision I wasn't just going to date anyone that asked. My time was to precious and well I really felt I was not going to settle for anything less than I deserved. In February I started talking to someone and had a chain of really good emails and than phone conversations. Since than we have had a few dates. It is probably to early to say where things will go but I am definitely enjoying the time I am spending with this person and I am absolutely smitten. It is a real change being with someone who makes me feel so respected and whom I seem to share alot of common interests with. This is a leap I am really really glad I took. My being is singing with happiness and I am better for it.

Silly Games

It's no secret my marriage to my husband was volatile and high conflict. Communication since our separation has reached an all time low. After boundaries were continually broken we now only communicate via a communication book, or thats what is supposed to happen. The following day it was agreed upon not to communicate he came into my suite to talk to me. So now I have silly little games to avoid talking. These little games are:
~ Pretending to be on the phone during access exchanges.
~ Pretending to not be in the living room when he drops off Brandon in the mornings eg I am there but sit in the dark so he does not know.

How sad things have come to this and I really hope it will end.

I Was Tagged

The Rules--
Use Google image to search the answers to the questions below.
You must choose the picture from the first page of results, and post it for your answer.

My Age on my next birthday:

Favorite Color:

Favorite Place:

Nickname:

Favorite Food:

Place I'd Like To travel:

Wish List:

My Hobby:

Bad Habit:

Name of my Love:

Life Is Wonderful!

Well what is there to say other than life is wonderful. I am still loving parenting the boys alone. Now that Dawson is getting a little older I am getting more free time. Minimal contact with the ex has been fabulous. While it's not perfect I am absolutely in love with my little basement suite. I have great friends (old and new) and great family. It should be criminal to feel this happy.

I am in love with Emerson Drive's new song but I will share an older one of their that I love. Yay for Alberta boys!

My Weight Loss Journey: March Pictures

Here are some new pictures of me proudly showing off my weight loss. Please excuse the poor photo quality and clutter. Still unpacking here and well Brandon has alot of toys LOL.

Wearing my old pants that fit me pre-pregnancy and post-partum. Where my hand is away from my body I am actually holding the waist of the pants out, incase you can't tell.


Wearing my 32 inch waist goal jeans.

Happy Happy Happy

I am at such a great place in my life right now. I can truly say I am happier than I have been in years and that is not just the anti-depressants talking. I can finally say I am at the point where I no longer love my husband at all. One would have thought with all he put me through that not loving him would be easy but that for me was a big hurdle to cross. With the love gone I can truly say should he try to weasel his way back into my life I will be strong enough to say no. That is a relief. Parenting my boys alone is so easy, who knew it would be so good without criticism. I am getting better at standing up to my husbands abusive behavior and no longer letting it effect me the way it once did.

Now that I have reconnected with my Father we have become quite close and I can honestly say he has been my biggest cheerleader. We talk several times a day. Him without addictions is very refreshing, he is not the person I knew growing up.

My next big hurdle will be the divorce. Whether we go amicably through mediation or to court remains to be seen. Whatever happens I am willing to fight for my rights.

I feel beautiful, free, and full of hope. I think I will soon be able to date again and I think that is a huge step. However I will pay more attention to red flags in future relationships. Now that I have found myself I don't want to be lost again.

My Weight Loss Journey

Although I still mourn the death of my marriage since the separation I have seen healthy changes in my self. I no longer need to self medicate or fill voids with food. That combined with breastfeeding has brought on significant weight loss for me. Pre-pregnancy I had reached an all time high of size 20, now I am down to about a 14-16. My goal size would be a 10 but I would be happy with a size 12.


July 28, 2007 Size 18 Photo courtesy of Smiley Eyes Photography


January 18, 2009 Size 14-16

New Address

Yes I have a new blog address yet again. My husband has been stalking me online. He reads every single comment here and than attacks me about it. I can't understand why if he has moved on he needs to stalk me.

More To Me Than You

My soul and heart are still beautiful and strong. I may be bruised but I will never be broken