Sometimes Goodbye Is A Second Chance

Growing up my relationship with my Father was a difficult. My childhood was not a happy one for various reasons. Than just as I came into adulthood my Father walked a very bad path in life and it became unbearable for me to watch him killing himself slowly through bad choices. I made a difficult decision to distance myself and we remained estranged for many years.

I encountered him again in July of 2008 at my Mother's funeral. It was during a dark time in my life. My marriage was dissolving and I was involved in a very high conflict break up and the repercussions of that relationship. Than in early 2009 my Dad and I became even closer and he became my strength when I no longer wanted to go on with life. He cheered me on, supported me emotionally, and was there for my boys when I needed to fulfill legal obligations. After that we became very close speaking a few times a week and having weekly lunch dates. He was a very different man than the one I knew growing up and was a wonderful Grandfather to my kid's.

My Dad had been battling Cancer for years and this year his health started to decline rapidly. Our weekly lunch dates became biweekly and eventually he did not even have the energy to come meet us for lunch. The last time I saw my Dad outside of the hospital Saturday May 12, 2012. Adaira and I stopped by his apartment after visiting the City Center farmer's market. We snacked on Salted Caramel Macaroon's and visited for a little while, he was shuffling very slowly and had lost alot of weight. The following day he called to wish me a happy Mother's Day but I missed the call because I was out for brunch with Adaira and her Dad.

My Dad was admitted to the Royal Alexandra Hospital on May 14th. He didn't even let anyone call to notify family until Thursday May 17th. I received a call from the social worker at the hospital telling me I might want to come to the hospital and say goodbye to my Dad because he did not think Dad would have much time left. I went later that day and my Dad was even skinnier, his eyes sunken, and drifting in and out of consciousness, barely able to speak. I knew it was the end and cried on the ride home for the hospital. I would visit him everyday and everyday he would look a little bit worse. During clear moments he would tell me and other family that he was ready to go/ ready to leave. Sometimes we could coax him to eat or drink a bit.

May 23rd was my final day with my Dad. I got him to eat and drink more than he had all week. He was lucid for an entire 30 minutes during which time again he told me he was ready to leave. As I stroked his hair I told him I knew and that it was OK to go if it was his time that we would be OK. His eyes looked relieved. He passed away in the morning on May 24th.

I am thankful for the second chance the universe granted my Father and I during which we were able to have a close good relationship. He should have succumbed years ago to the Cancer but he was a fighter and fought bravely. He far exceeded the time he was told he would live and I believe it was so that we could reconnect and make amends. I feel now that my Dad is still with me and as I deal with his final affairs I can only hope he is proud of how I am handling it all.

I leave you with the song selections from his funeral. My Dad loved music and these were some of his favorite artists and Rod Stewart covering a song he loved.

As Tears Go By - The Rolling Stones


Long May You Run - Neil Young


Amazing Grace - Rod Stewart