The Scars Remain

I hate that yesterday reminded me of how emotionally scarred I still am by my husbands abuse. I thought I had put it behind me but his hateful hurtful words still echo in my head. So afraid of conflict I stopped speaking candidly and freely, always trying to be a people pleaser. I was so unbelievably angry at myself for this yesterday, I don't want to be a victim I want to be a survivor. Even with a rational voice in my head his words echo... I hate that I can't even seem to trust my own judgement anymore and in the same breath am so glad to have friends that I can bounce my thoughts off of. Why can't I just take things at face value? ~sigh~ I honestly am just afraid of being hurt, and maybe subconsciously am try to sabotage myself so that I don't have to risk that. If I could explain myself in one word today it is frustrated.